Isn't it interesting how you can't really tell if this is a sunset or a sunrise? How appropriate as we witness the dusk of one administration and the dawn of the other.
All the preoccupation here over marriage equality, or the lack thereof, may obscure the greater reality that the good news of Obama's ascendancy absolutely outweighs the bad news of not being able to get hitched. That right is far more a psychological need than a material one. Except for the anecdotal realities of hospital visits denied or spousal benefits withheld, the right to marry doesn't impact the daily material existence of most gay people. Most of us who are single need to find a husband much less marry him; and most of us who are attached aren't about to break up because we can't get officially wed.
I get it, but I don't get it. I think there's been far too much hetersexualisation of gay life as it is. We used to revel in a little bit of marginalization--taboo, even. At least I did. Who wants to be anything that garners the approval of the Mormon Church? I consider their condemnation a badge of honor. In France and England they've had Civil Unions for several years now, they have whatever kind of ceremony they like but have ceded the word "marriage" to the Church. I say let them have it.
I never cited an this piece from Alexander Cockburn that I read a while back that really inspired me. As for my article, I'm glad to report a lot of good reaction so far. A lot of gays seem to be silently irritated at the emphasis on marriage. Look at how this battle has exposed the entrenched homophobia in communities of color, not to mention among white evangelicals? What are we doing to provide outreach and support for all the gay people growing up in those institutions, trapped in self-loathing and lives on the "downlow?" What will the right to marry garner them when they can't even utter the words: "I'm gay" or get thrown out of the house if they do? I'm a lot more concerned with their well-being than my right to have the same minister sign the same marriage license as the straight couple next door when I say I do.
That said, I need to acknowledge that I'm fairly all over the place on this. You could probably trip me up in a contradiction or two over the past weeks writing about this. Of course I don't like drinking at a separate fountain. But when I think of how absolutely thrilled we would have been 20 or 30 years ago to have domestic partnerships, I find it strange that we find them so inadequate now. I think we should make them more fabulous. After all, isn't that what we do best?
MCO 2008
i enjoyed your article. i can relate to feeling like i just got kicked in the stomach with the vote going the way it did. i can relate to really wanting healthy relationships to be a goal for lgbt citizens, which doesn't seem a reality as of yet. i only wish that our very expert outreach didn't happen as a defense mechanism. i would hope we can learn to extend ourselves before calamity.
and i agree about the assimilation that the marriage concept carries. it doesn't ring true for so many.