When I was in prison, I spent a LOT of time talking to black men in the dorm. I had decided that I was going to make the prison experience as fruitful as possible, and that meant getting as much backstory as I could, from everyone. And, to be honest, I wanted as many of these guys to have a positive experience of a gay white man as possible. The homophobia was intense in prison, but it wasn't equal among white and blacks. For example, when I asked the white guys if they'd rather wake up black or gay, they all said "gay," and when I asked the black guys, they all said "white." Instructive, eh?
Anyway, whether it was C-Crazy, D-Roll, Leon, Yousseff, Rodney, or a score of other black men I got to know, I noticed that the vast majority referred to an army of women who raised them. Mothers, grandmothers, aunts, foster mothers, cousins... sometimes related by blood, just as often by choice. I would hear often: "Well I call her my Aunt, but she's really my Mom's best friend." Unfortunately, there were precious few references to present fathers. Almost to a man, their childhoold experience was one of being raised by women who'd cobbled together families of choice as well as of blood.
I find it highly ironic, and sad, that the African-Americans who voted for Prop 8 cannot see how much they have in common with the gay families who wish for legal recognition of their relationships which fall outside of the traditional nuclear family paradigm. I really wish the organizers of the No on 8 campaign had thought to point out the commonality of our experience. I know that I got a thrill from one of these guys telling me: "you're all right, Marc," --not because I was white, but because I was gay. Another irony: it was easier for me to come out to them then it was for one of the black gay guys.
I didn't go to the big demonstration last night because I don't see what good it's doing. But I dreamt all night about Prop 8, so I guess it's bothering me more than I think. I'm just not comfortable yelling in public, not to mention my foot starts to ache big time.
I ache more for the fact that we're not united on this issue. We should so be allies.
MCO 2008
