Dear Old Dad

Among other things,  it boggles my mind that at only 32 he had five kids.  Thank God for the 60s, when you could buy a house and feed a family of seven on one middle-manager's salary. 

The later years of my Dad's life were not so happy for him or for us, as his drinking took its toll and cirrhosis killed him in 1996.   But in such cases, the time that elapses after a death can be a great friend. One can see a life in its whole, and the parts that shine are not so diminished by the parts that did not.

My Dad shined when we were little. He knew how to talk to kids, how to be silly. He patiently explained things.  He was very physical. We rode on his shoulders and swam on his back. I can count on one hand, if that, how many times he raised his voice. He spanked me once, and apologized about it for years.

As I grew older, he had some favorite themes that came up when he gave me advice--not easily heard by a smart-ass know-it-all like me.  He would tell me "it's all about positioning, son" and this has proved a valuable insight when I needed patience when maneuvering closer to my professional goals.  And the one that most irritated me that turned out to be the one I live by now: "It's only money."  He never lost sight of the fact that what you could touch was never as important as what you could hold.

I  really wish my Dad had gotten sober, especially because he would have absolutely loved AA, had he given it a chance. But he didn't.  I have a fair amount of regret about how much impatience and irritation I showed him in life, almost always because of his drinking, and it's been hard to find ways to make amends to him. 

I think the best thing I can do is stay sober for the both of us, so that the amends I can make to my siblings and Mom and nieces and nephews by being the best brother, son and uncle I can be, are also the amends he never got to make for the ways he fell short in being the best father, husband and grandfather he wanted to be. I know he felt those shortcomings acutely; ironically, the drinking that largely caused them was also the only thing that gave him relief.

Mostly, I can say out loud to the world that I am proud to have been the son of Stephen Beebe Olmsted, and immensely grateful as well. Happy Father's Day to everyone.

Click on the link for a home movie of My Dad creating our very first pool of us.

A Great Dad

MCO 2008