The industrial landscape is via Charles DeMuth, the annunciation scene is from Maurice Denis.
I guess it illustrates fairly well what I want to urge today: no matter how bleak or gray your personal industrial landscape is, please ask for help.
I learned this weekend of two recent deaths. One I knew well. His name was Kael Conner and I use his full name because the only bit about him I can find on the internet is an interview for an article on meth addicition back in 1995. If he used his full name back then, I don't feel I am violating any precept by sharing it here. Besides, the article didn't mention how nice Kael was, how beautiful his green eyes were, how warm and helpful he was to everybody else while so hard on himself. He died of a heart attack after years of struggling with meth.
The other death was a young man named Hunter W. Allen, who I'd only met a few times but was struck by his attractiveness. He was only 29, and evidently, just couldn't bear having relapsed one more time. I avoided looking him up on My Space until yesterday, and then thought about him and Kael most of the rest of the day.
At the end of every AA meeting, we say "after a moment of silence for the alcholic who still suffers, please join us in the serenity prayer." And for anybody who is suffering--alcoholic or not--even if you have a foggy or skeptical notion of God, I believe the energy we put out there in the universe at that moment is real, and available to anyone who needs it.
The energy of love is available to anyone at all times actually, but the human mind tends to grasp at the quantifiable more than the abstract. I think that's why angels are so popular; we can imagine how they look, establish a personal relationship with them.
It doesn't matter what you use, a Group Of Drunks (G.O.D.), your personal guardian angel, a sponsor, a stranger. The act of turning toward help is the most important part of the process, even if you don't understand how or why tht works. But do understand this: the choice does not have to be between continuing to use or committing suicide, but if that what it seems to you, than by all means, continue to use. At least then the option of getting help is still available, no matter how much you feel like a loser for coming back into the rooms with one or two days cleantime. Believe me, the judgement you feel is entirely your own, we are just happy to see you, so grateful not to have gotten one of those terrible phone calls.
Don't wait to find out how loved you are by hovering at your memorial service. Reach out.
MCO 2008
Your message is much needed. Asking for help can be as challenging as climbing Everest for so many broken souls. There's always that fear that chokes you, shuts out the light, makes you believe that you are unworthy of love, that the only thing that will stop your pain is to stop living.
Keep putting that energy out there in the universe; it touches many of us; angels come in many guises.
This may seem weird as I don't know either of the people whom you talk about in today's journal entry, but I felt the need to find out something about each of them, especially Hunter. I have had my own misguided love affair with suicide and I try to remember daily to express my gratitude that I no longer have a desire to dance with that devil. I ran across this blog entry from someone who knew Hunter. I am sending you the link, in case you haven't read it.
http://quoclam.com/2008/04/in-memory-of-hunter.html
I like today's Hy-Art. It illustrates your focus well.
what a very lovely hy-art and even lovelier post. the daily remembrance of gratitude can seem so looming, but in the end is completely grounding.