They Are Always With Us

This wasn't my intent when I created it, but this Cezanne/Sargent Hy-Art embodies the idea that we keep the dead alive by remembering them, carrying them with us on a daily basis. I try to spend some time regularly with those I have loved and lost--though these extended moments are more and more punctuated by apology. For example, I was often impatient and unkind to my Dad when he was alive. Not aggressively mean or abusive, but definitely sarcastic and dismissive. It was easy to do, as his IQ dropped precipitously when he drank, and I would sharpen my teeth on him. Think Johnny Carson to his Ed McMahon. He would tend to laugh it off, but I'm sure it hurt, to the extent he felt it much at all. I am suddenly relieved that he was usually drunk when that happened, I take comfort in the fact that he had some numbing protection. (Yes, I note the irony.)

I like to think he would have been inspired by the example of my sobriety now. I got sober for a year and a half in 1985, but my understanding of the program and the steps at that time was relatively impoverished compared to now--it's not for nothing that I drank again. I thought sobriety was about what you didn't do--a passive approach. I spent 18 months NOT drinking, as opposed to genuinely living along spiritual lines--a very different outlook, an active approach. 

Yesterday I had a very nice interview with the Department of Rehabilitation.  I think they will pay for some coursework and we will put together an employement plan. It won't happen overnight, but I won't bore you with describing the bureaucratic steps that need to be taken, I'll just take them.

I also did something very cool. I called my landlord and arranged for a $110/month rent rollback!  My rent had gone up way more than the rate of inflation since I'd moved in, and I simply told them I was seriously considering moving. This is going to help alot. That's over $1300 a year!  That'll practically pay for the gas to get me across town!

MCO 2008