September 2005 Archives

I got a bunch of disks to review of the Korean TV show, but the translation I am to edit will not be ready for another week. The most important thing was spending time with the head of the agency. She is a sharp, personable gal and we saw eye to eye on a lot of cultural and linguistic observations. She also reassured me that there is plenty of work on the way, November and December are their busiest months. I still have to decide whether to spend the money to go to Andrea's wedding in Tallahassee. I can go for cheap only if I change planes twice and am travelling for 14 hours each way.

Dalton's suicide is still Topic A in the circles in which I travel. And I heard of two other recent suicides yesterday--no one I knew, a family member and a friend of people I know. It is probably no more than at any other time, just a fluke of it hitting people I know, but it is still rather distressing.

On top of Katrina, Rita, and now the wildfires, it is hard to fend off a feeling of apocalypse in the air.

I imagine the Republicans are feeling somewhat the same. I wrote a little impromptu poem about one of them (the first two lines came from my friend C.K.):

Tom Delay

You've made my day

Now do sashay

from Austin

to Boston

Married gays

are wantin'

to stomp on

your sorry face

MCO 2005

I forgot to share that after a series of emails that I don’t know how to characterize as anything but undiplomatic, I was finally made to know that the editor of Being Alive has decided not to use my articles anymore.

This is okay with me, it really is. Frankly, I have felt alienated from the organization since they embarked on the “Get Off Now” anti-crystal campaign, which I found terribly ill-conceived and from all accounts, has been completely ineffective. It’s a damn shame, as precious resources coming from a one-time grant have been squandered, in my opinion.

As far as the articles go, I completely understand that the editor felt 4 blog entries were enough to serialize, though the feedback he claimed to receive that readers were “over it” was at odds with the very positive response I’d gotten. What irked me was the completely unprofessional manner in which this was communicated to me, months after the decision was actually made.

To his credit, when I called him on it, he agreed “on all counts” and apologized. I accepted the apology and am moving on.

MCO 2005

Picture one I took in Griffith Park, intrigued at what these roses were doing floating in the stream. I imagined a jilted lover,throwing in flowers that had been refused.

And the second is of a fearless squirrel who won a two-minute staring match with Gaza.

MCO 2005

Over the weekend a gay man named Dalton Robertson disappeared on what was assumed to be a trip to Palm Springs. In fact, unknown to his partner of 12 years, and to his worried family and friends, he went to a hotel in Long Beach, and intentionally overdosed.

Dalton had been sober for 18 years, and was very well-loved. I did not know him personally, but the gay recovery community in Los Angeles is like a large high school. You may not know everybody, but you’ve been in the same room at least once, and know their face and have likely heard them speak. We are all rather shaken. It brings home the reality that addiction and alcoholism and AIDS are not the only toxic illnesses.

My opinion on suicide is somewhat out of the mainstream. It is said that it’s “a permanent solution to a temporary problem” but that’s not always true. Sometimes depression is not temporary, in some people it seems to be a permanent fixture that dogs them relentlessly over their entire life. They often try every remedy imaginable, and nothing offers the needed relief. I don’t know enough about Dalton’s past to know whether this was the case, but I know if the steps of AA, over 18 years, do not work to alleviate despair, than it is a deep and perhaps untreatable condition. In that case, suicide can be seen as the only option to alleviate such despair.

Of course it invariably leaves behind shattered hearts. By all means, the survivors need to grieve for him, and for themselves. It would not be human for anyone not to get angry at the one who died as well. But ultimately, I think the challenge is to try to forgive the suicide. No one endures such pain by choice, it is not their fault. They simply must end their suffering. They may be simply deferring experiences on a karmic journey, they may be dropping into nothingness, they may be confronting an uneasy afterlife, I have no idea. But it does end the pain, and I personally cannot judge anyone who takes his own life unless I know what that pain is like, and could say that in their place, I would endure it.

I took Gaza for a mega-hike in Griffith Park this morning, all the way up to the observatory and back. It is a sure route to appreciate how much joy can be found in the simple things in life. Just watching him play navigator, staying 50 paces in front of me and fending off a host of imagined dangers, was better than sipping a fine wine. It also succeeded in completely wiping me out, so I must nap. How lucky I am to be able to do that—for one more day at least. Tomorrow I start on the subtitle editing.

MCO 2005

I realize if I want anybody to read the New York Times article, my entry should be short.

So I'll just share that I am picking up the Korean-English disks on Thursday, not a moment too soon, as it will be another month before I get paid for the work. And also that yesterday's session with Richard was quite magical. We actually got a lot of work done on a new song and got motivated on a variety of projects.

Lastly, here's something cool that I heard recently: "We are not human beings trying to be spiritual, but spiritual beings trying to be human."

MCO 2005

This is one of the strongest editorials I've ever read of the Grey Lady's.

MCO 2005

I was struck by the similarity in these photos.

On the radio, I heard Dubya say, in response to what people might be able to do to help with the gas shortage in Texas and Lousiana: "Well, maybe you could not drive when the trip isn't necessary."

So, after 6 years, we finally have a sweeping, visionary plan to conserve gas and reduce our dependence on foreign oil. Bravo, George. Better late than never.

I went to the 99 cents store and stocked up on canned goods. I realized how stupid I would feel if there was a giant earthquake and we faced Katrina-like conditions. I'm going to stock up little by little, and ask for an Earthquake Preparedness Kit for my birthday.

I'm waiting for the subtitling lady to call, but will spend the time productively discussing possible projects with my possible new collaborator, Richard.

MCO 2005

Well, I got an emotional call from Alan today, telling me that after consultation with his sponsor, he regretfully agreed that it was probably best for him to remain out of anything resembling a relationship for a while. He was clearly relieved to hear me tell him that he was getting excellent advice, and he had all my support. I added that I wasn’t going anywhere, and after he got some time under his belt, if I stayed unattached, as far as I was concerned the door could be reopened to exploring something again. He was happy to hear that too.

I was actually thinking this was the smartest way to go, but if I had suggested it, it would have come off as an excuse to do what I wanted to do anyway, and that wasn’t at all the case. But there’s truly no harm in becoming friends first, we’ve already established a sexual chemistry, and that’s not going anywhere either. Gay men in general have a terrible propensity to conduct relationships backwards: we start out as lovers, and end up as strangers. Why not actually try the radical idea of getting to know someone well, and then, if so justified, get even closer?

Then again, it can be argued that no one would ever get involved with anybody else if they got to know them well first. How often, in practice, does someone else get more attractive the longer you know them? It happens, of course, but just as often as the bloom comes off the rose, one becomes acutely conscious of the thorns one was at first blind to. Hence a divorce rate of 50%.

In any case, there is a higher priority here than a potential romance. Staying sober can be a matter of life and death, and that’s no exaggeration. Whatever it takes to stack the cards in favor of sobriety must come first.

And the universe doesn’t seem to want me to get attached right now either. At the same time, I’m getting a lot of attention I did not get months ago. I intend to enjoy it.

MCO 2005

If anyone is curious to read more about the possibility Bush is drinking again, the writer Doug Thompson offers some interesting commentary:

http://www.capitolhillblue.com/artman/publish/article_7430.shtml

MCO 2005

Well, I ran into Alan last night, after I had left him a tart message in the afternoon asking him what exactly his problem was with using the phone. He was half-contrite, half-defensive, explaining to me that he wasn’t allowed to use his cell-phone during the day at the recovery house he’s living in. He’s also one of those people who don’t have a clue as to how his cell-phone operates beyond dialing and pressing send, not understanding that once you’ve made a call, you can easily retrieve the number you dialed.

I explained to him how this could sound like just so many excuses to someone not getting his calls returned, and he acknowledged that. Most importantly, it was fairly evident that he cared a lot, and didn’t want to derail anything. I felt we’d cleared the air, made sure he had my number, and we’ll find out today if this problem is resolved. I am intent on not ignoring any red flags anymore. I need to date a grown-up, but have to recognize that in early sobriety, by definition you’re dealing with someone catching up on a lot of deferred growth. But I have to say, he looked damn good, and is truly the nicest of guys. I want to stay someone who gives someone else the benefit of the doubt, but my history is one of overextending such understanding past the point of common sense.

I didn’t hear from my subtitling agent yesterday, I think she took the day off. I did finish the first pass on the blog based on the notes of one friend, now I have to start another pass based on the notes of another friend. (Both friends are editors). My friend Andrea still wants me to go to her wedding in Tallahasee, but I don’t dare consider it until I have the disks in hand and I know for sure I have money coming in.

I’ve coined a new word for all the disasters: Ritirakatrina. Saves on typing.

MCO 2005

On the one hand, this is from the National Enquirer. On the other hand, during the past few years, The National Enquirer has been a helluvalot more careful about making sure they weren't open to libel suits.

To my ears, it certainly has the ring of authenticity. In my experience, almost no one who stops drinking without outside help stays sober, and those that do replace it with something just as addictive, like power. What could make the President feel more powerless than two hurricanes?

No doubt, if this hits the mainstream press, Bush et al. will deny it, even if it's true, so we probably won't know for sure until after someone writes a tell-all memoir when he's out of power. This is the problem with having lied so much. You lose all credibility, even if you might be telling the truth.

BUSH'S BOOZE CRISIS

NATIONAL ENQUIRER

SEPT 21 2005

By JENNIFER LUCE and DON GENTILE

Faced with the biggest crisis of his political life, President Bush has

hit the bottle again, The National Enquirer can reveal.

Bush, who said he quit drinking the morning after his 40th birthday, has

started boozing amid the Katrina catastrophe.

Family sources have told how the 59-year-old president was caught by

First Lady Laura downing a shot of booze at their family ranch in Crawford,

Texas, when he learned of the hurricane disaster.

His worried wife yelled at him: "Stop, George."

Following the shocking incident, disclosed here for the first time, Laura

privately warned her husband against "falling off the wagon" and vowed to

travel with him more often so that she can keep an eye on Dubya, the sources

add.

"When the levees broke in New Orleans, it apparently made him reach for a

shot," said one insider. "He poured himself a Texas-sized shot of straight

whiskey and tossed it back. The First Lady was shocked and shouted: "Stop,

George!"

"Laura gave him an ultimatum before, 'It's Jim Beam or me.' She doesn't

want to replay that nightmare - especially now when it's such tough going

for her husband."

Bush is under the worst pressure of his two terms in office and his

popularity is near an all-time low. The handling of the Katrina crisis and

troop losses in Iraq have fueled public discontent and pushed Bush back to

drink.

A Washington source said: "The sad fact is that he has been sneaking

drinks for weeks now. Laura may have only just caught him - but the word is

his drinking has been going on for a while in the capital. He's been in a

pressure cooker for months.

"The war in Iraq, the loss of American lives, has deeply affected him.

He takes every soldier's life personally. It has left him emotionally

drained.

The result is he's taking drinks here and there, likely in private, to

cope. "And now with the worst domestic crisis in his administration over

Katrina, you pray his drinking doesn't go out of control."

Another source said: "I'm only surprised to hear that he hadn't taken a

shot sooner. Before Katrina, he was at his wit's end. I've known him for

years. He's been a good ol' Texas boy forever. George had a drinking

problem for years that most professionals would say needed therapy. He

doesn't believe in it [therapy], he never got it. He drank his way through

his youth, through college and well into his thirties. Everyone's drinking

around him."

Another source said: "A family member told me they fear George is

'falling apart.' The First Lady has been assigned the job of gatekeeper."

Bush's history of drinking dates back to his youth. Speaking of his time as

a young man in the National Guard, he has said: "One thing I remember, and

I'm most proud of, is my drinking and partying. Those were the days my

friends. Those were the good old days!"

Age 26 in 1972, he reportedly rounded off a night's boozing with his

16-year-old brother Marvin by challenging his father to a fight.

On November 1, 2000, on the eve of his first presidential election, Bush

acknowledged that in 1976 he was arrested for driving under the influence of

alcohol near his parents' home in Maine. Age 30 at the time, Bush pleaded

guilty and paid a $150 fine. His driving privileges were temporarily

suspended in Maine.

"I'm not proud of that," he said. "I made some mistakes. I occasionally

drank too much, and I did that night. I learned my lesson." In another

interview around that time, he said: "Well, I don't think I had an

addiction. You know it's hard for me to say. I've had friends who were,

you know, very addicted... and they required hitting bottom (to start) going

to AA. I don't think that was my case."

During his 2000 presidential campaign, there were also persistent

questions about past cocaine use. Eventually Bush denied using cocaine

after 1992, then quickly extended the cocaine-free period back to 1974, when

he was 28.

Dr. Justin Frank, a Washington D.C. psychiatrist and author of Bush On

The Couch: Inside The Mind Of The President, told The National Enquirer: "I

do think that Bush is drinking again. Alcoholics who are not in any

program, like the President, have a hard time when stress gets to be great.

"I think it's a concern that Bush disappears during times of stress. He

spends so much time on his ranch. It's very frightening."

Published on: 09/21/2005

These are song lyrics I wrote over the last few days:

No Stone Unturned

I’ll be leaving earth one day

In that there’s no surprise

There’s one thing I must say

So look into my eyes

This is what I’ve learned

Leave no stone unturned

Leave no stone unturned

And all hearts unbroken

Leave no bridges burned

No secrets unspoken

I’ve made it this far

With some help from friends

I thank my lucky stars

That I don’t have to pretend

That all that love was earned

But I left no stone unturned

Leave no stone unturned

And all hearts unbroken

Leave no bridges burned

No secrets unspoken

I have my share of flaws

Some would tell you more than most

But I looked on God with awe

Had to let go of some ghosts

And one thing I discerned

Leave no stone unturned

Leave no stone unturned

And all hearts unbroken

Leave no bridges burned

No secrets unspoken

---------------

I sent these along to my friend Richard, and he said he was already a humming a tune for them. We then decided to meet on Monday, and discuss all of our pending creative projects, including a musical he's been working on, and determine to what degree and how we might be able to formalize our collaboration. This is very exciting for me, as I very much need (as he seems to) some outside motivation and focus to keep plugging along creatively on a wide range of stuff. I suddenly found myself back on the blog edit, which has been rather neglected of late.

Meanwhile, I've been watching a Korean soap opera and bought a Korean-English dictionary. So far it's almost completely unpenetrable, I am only getting the vaguest glimmer of a few phrases. Korean brings whole new meaning to the concept of "foreign." (I should get the discs to work on today or Monday).

And Alan left a message last night, returning my last call 36 hours later. What is it with some men and the phone? I didn't return the call. I don't like playing such games, but I'm going to wait 36 hours myself before calling back. I think he needs to feel the same irritated sensation I felt.

At the time he happened to call, I was in the middle of a conversation with one of the handsomest men Australia has ever produced. He's rather shy, and probably doesn't realize how intimidating he is, without even trying to be in the least. (He seemed very nice and completely open). I had to remind myself that there are plenty of men by whom I have been equally dazzled at first, but eventually got over it and was able to be perfectly friendly and comfortable around them. It's hard to imagine at first, when that initial reaction is beyond one's control, but slowly I realize they are basically the same as everybody else, just more genetically blessed. It can really be a bit of a cross to bear, I imagine, but one I doubt any would voluntarily give up, either.

MCO 2005

P.S. I just heard on the radio that there was a 3-hour riot at Chino, the prison in which I was held. It was between blacks and hispanics, so if I was still there, I wouldn't have been drawn into it, but still. What a reminder of how insane my drug addiction was that it could have brought me to a place like that. I am SO grateful to be out of there and sober.

Since I had to get a new cellphone anyway, I got a camera phone, and figured I might as well use it. I download pictures from it onto the computer (except for the snake, I got that on the Internet) and then I manipulate some (not Gaza, that's an untouched photo) while I watch TV at night (I rarely am able to just watch TV, I invariably read the paper, or play on the computer at the same time--at night my brain is too tired to write.)

So what you see here is: 1 and 2, two Photoshop-effected renditions of a house, 3 is Gaza in front of a statue of Winnie the Pooh in Griffith Park, 4 and 5 are more Photoshop manipulations of regular photos, and 6-7 is a comparison between a snake and a hose I snapped.

Not great art, but fun. (The pic on the wall behind me in the photo of me watching TV, below, is my work, by the way. It looks much cooler in the photo than it does in reality).

MCO 2005

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something;

I will not refuse to do the something I can do. (Edward Everett Hale's meditation on Ephesians 4:16)

Dear Friends

Due to Mother Nature's latest storm, we wanted to update you on the Caravan of Hope that so many of you supported and prayed for these last few weeks.

The Caravan got on the road Monday night. They stopped in Phoenix and received donations from Gentle Shepherd MCC. They were quite generous in their financial as well as supplies, which included much for the animal sanctuary.

They arrived at El Paso around 3:00 am Tuesday morning and were welcomed to sleep the night (although short) at El Paso MCC. They met up with a fellow caravaner who drove down from MCC Albuquerque "bearing gifts"...MCCA added truckloads of pet supplies and other goodies to the trucks. MCC San Diego met up with MCCLA and together they set off early Tuesday morning.

The drive went slow, but around 10:00 pm Tuesday night, they made the decision to drive right through Houston and on to Baton Rouge. They made this decision because of the pending hurricane coming into that area. If they stopped as planned in Houston, they would be stuck there (they probably won't be allowing eastward traffic beginning tomorrow). Additionally, Houston residents are very much preparing for this storm, and accepting donations will not be on the top of their "to-do" list today.

Thus, they arrived in Baton Rouge around 9:00 am BR time. This momentarily through things off course (the big rig wasn't scheduled to arrive till Friday--which had all of the donations for Baton Rouge and Eastabuchie), etc. However, this trip has reminded us to trust God in all things, and if we do, the path will unfold. Believing that, it is not a surprise that:

- the trucking company called and said they had sped up delivery and will be in Baton Rouge tonight at 7:00 pm. Alleluia! (not only will our people be there, but folks from Baton Rouge MCC and MCC Greater New Orleans have been wanting to help, and this will make it all go much faster)

- we confirmed hours after they arrived, our Baton Rouge relief site, which is the Federation of Churches and Synagogues and the Working Interfaith Network (a referral from Rabbi Denise from Congregation Kol-Ami). Goods were delivered there today

- we heard from the folks in Mississippi and they are very much looking forward to our delivery, and, thus, we are going to try to deliver to them Thursday (two days before originally planned)

- Maura went to one of the animal shelters today to help them evacuate some of the animals from New Orleans

- Tina went with another team into New Orleans to document the rescue operations of the stranded animals

- three others drove the truck of supplies to MuttShack animal shelter in New Orleans to get the supplies in and secured before any storm will hit

- Saturday, folks will be advised to stay indoors, since the hurricane will most certainly drop a fair amount of rain on Baton Rouge, however, at this time, they are probably not going to bear any brunt of the storm

- Baton Rouge and New Orleans is looking forward to worshiping together with our communities on Sunday.

- by Monday, the storm's worst parts will be pass and the group can begin the trek back home as originally planned.

- depending upon the situation, the caravan may stop in Houston and deliver the goods that had been designated for them. Ironically, they will probably have a greater need than they did this week. I see this as God allowing us to pre-stage ourselves to meet needs.

WHAT ABOUT THE EMERGENCY ANIMAL TEAM?

Our emergency animal team we sent out over a week ago, got on the road today and is on their way back. They are taking a route north of Houston (through Oklahoma City) so they will miss the traffic and the storm. They should be back Friday evening. They have reported that it has been a very difficult and painful week, but all are grateful that they had an opportunity to be of service. There was frustration that they could not save all the animals, but there was great joy at the rescuing of those they did. Many animals were saved by our teams who added themselves to the larger operation. They will share more after they come home.

You can now view pictures of the Emergency Animal Team's departure as well as the Caravan's departure. If we are able to get pictures while they are out there, we will post. We will also send out updates as things progress. Visit our website at http://www.mccla.org for pictures and later this week a half-hour show will be available on our Television link. This will eventually be distrubuted to our cable access stations as well. Additionally, www.wehonews.com ran a great story on the Caravan, take a look when you can.

Thank you all for your love, support and prayers. And may we continue to pray for all people who will be again hit by this next hurricane. May we all keep community strong and all do what we have been called to do.

Peace and blessings

Reverend Neil G Thomas

Reverend Pat Langlois

Reverend Keith Mozingo

This is one of the photos taken of me watching TV for the project by the French photographer, Olivier Culmann.

This is how we watch TV in LA.

MCO 2005

I have noticed that every time I make what seem to me to be trenchant political observations, they appear almost concurrently in various media. So, I’m not ahead of the game, but at least I not behind it, either.

I’m wondering if Rita—hitting the President’s home state—might finally be what restores a semblance of sanity to the policies of the Bush regime. It could very well carry with it another $100 billion pricetag. I think this President is far too invested in being “right” to admit the civil war (yes, civil war) in Iraq is now a genie that cannot be put back in the bottle, and we should just get out of there (All the good intentions in the world will not change the facts on the ground.). But the costs of the hurricanes might at leave provide the political cover for him and Congress to cancel the disastrous tax cuts that have just made the rich richer and ballooned the deficit. If the Democrats would show some spine, they’d start running on these issues for 2006.

Yes, I admit it, I’m a tax and spend liberal. I think we should have a social welfare state on the Western European model. I honestly believe your average French, German, Spaniard, Italian, Norwegian etc. leads a much happier life than your average American, and that includes your average wealthy American—a certainly your poor one. Sometimes I regret not having stayed and made my life in France after I studied there in 1976. Well not regret exactly, that’s a pointless exercise, but if I had it to do all over again knowing what I know now, I might well make that choice.

One tid-bit. I heard on NPR from a scientist that the upsurge in hurricanes is not due to global warming, but is part of a 25-30-year cycle. Hurricanes were worse from about 1940-1965, then mellowed again until the 90’s. Unfortunately, in the interim, the populations on the coasts have burgeoned, so the effects of the present cycle will be much worse than in the past. We might be seeing the start of a massive (forced) remigration inwards.

I heard from Alan, after a two-day silence that sort of irked me, and we are supposed to see each other later. I am glad to say that I didn’t internalize his not calling (I called him twice). I knew damn well we both had a great time on Sunday and my side of the street was clean. But I’m a little old-fashioned. I think a great time deserves at least a “hello” the next day.

MCO 2005

P.S. Watching the news and realize my political calculations come off as rather cold. The people of Galveston and the Texas Gulf Coast are about to be engulfed in catastrophe. My prayers are with them, as I'm sure are yours, especially those poor evacuees from Lousiana who are back on the road again.

Well, I called my subtitling agent at noon, and she told me by the end of the week she will have 18 episodes of the English translation of Korean TV show to edit. I surmise that they need a native Korean to do the initial subtitling, and therefore it has to be gone over and made completely smooth and colloquial by an American native. Frankly, I much prefer this to translating from the French, as that has gotten a tad arthritic after years of underuse, and I must constantly resort to the dictionary. And with this, I can actually use a bit of my screenwriting background to sharpen up the dialogue a tad.

It’s such a relief to know there will be money coming in, doing something I really enjoy, from home. I was so happy to have landed the first gig doing this months ago, and so disappointed when more assignments didn’t materialize. It seems this was a case both of summer doldrums, and, I suspect, of waiting for a few people ahead of me in the pipeline to move on. But not working in the interim turned out to be a wonderful gift. Friends are created through shared experience, and I had the time to have those experiences. And I did a helluva lot of work on the blog, although there’s a lot more to go.

Now I have to watch some Korean TV and see if I can get familiar with the language. The show is called “Funny Wild Girl.” Sounds like a movie Streisand and Brando should have made.

MCO 2005

It's days like this that I despair of even finding the time to work. Going to a meeting, going to the dentist (my temporary crown became unglued), going to the pharmacy, going to Social Security, taking the dog for his (and my) daily exercise, blogging, and a fair amount of phone calls that are truly helpful. But I managed to have a very full life when I did last work full-time, so I'm sure I can do it again. I'm just a spoiled brat set in my ways, fearing change.

I also had a date last night with a great sexy guy by the name of Alan. I share that tidbit, because I live in the Marc-Alan apartments, and I've been joking ever since I moved in that I clearly needed to meet a guy with that name. And yes, he has a cellphone, cash, ID and a place to live. He's also my age, and in recovery. I seem to land on my feet pretty well these days. (Or off my feet, as the case may be).

Since I did have to replace my cellphone (Lt. Dan walked off with the old one) I got myself a camera phone. I choose to believe I will use it to document something crucial, like a police beating or a UFO. Then I can sell it to the press and make a million dollars. Sounds like a great plan to me.

MCO 2005

P.S. Oh my God, I just got an email from my subtitling person. She said she didn’t call me because she was sick, but is now better and has some work for me. I’m supposed to call her tomorrow. YAAAY!

My nephew, Keir, is a very talented filmmaker who, like me, went to NYU Film School. He graduated last year, and has completed a documentary he is shopping around. He wrote me for help in rewriting the “one-sheet” describing the film, which I did happily of course last night, resulting in what follows below.

I received the following email from him this morning:

Marc~

Thanks for the rewrite, it is wonderful and such a great synopsis of the film, perfect for pulling sentences for shorter synopses for festival programs, and as is.

I completely consider it a gift. Thanks so much.

Now, 23

-Keir

The last bit refers to the fact that today is his 23rd birthday. His email completely made my day, and I realized that it can’t hurt to have my modest audience of blog readers looking out for his film, which is presently looking for a distributor or media outlet. It’s really quite good.

(To be honest, I was already having a good day. At church this morning my poster for the Caravan of Hope was prominently displayed, and the vase I had decoupaged was also in use for the flowers. I also brought my friends Alan and Nicole, the latter of whose family lost everything in St. Bernard’s Parish. She was heartened to see the 5 truckloads of supplies headed out to a destitute village in Mississippi that seems to have been completely bypassed by relief efforts. Ironically, the drop-off point will be a Baptist Church, which almost certainly takes a dim view of homosexuals, to put it mildly. What an opportunity for us to act as Christians in the best sense of the word.)

------------

As the Call, So the Echo, documents the transformative experience of an American ear-nose-and-throat surgeon, Dr. Alex Moreano, during several weeks he spent as a volunteer physician in a Vietnamese hospital in 2004.

After practicing in a Seattle HMO for 20 years, Dr. Moreano planned to launch a private medical office there, but decided instead to become a partner in another established practice in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Saddled with thousands of dollars worth of expensive medical equipment he’d already purchased, Dr. Moreano opted to donate the supplies to a hospital in Hue, Vietnam, via the international Christian charity MEDRIX. Two years later, upon finding that his equipment was still being held up in customs, he intervened, and in the process decided to personally train the Vietnamese clinicians how to use the supplies, as well as consult on individual cases that could benefit from his expertise.

In the film, Dr. Moreano discovers the reality of third-world medicine rarely seen by Western doctors. Undersupplied clinics are presented with pathologies that have progressed far beyond the stages where they are usually treated in the United States and Europe. Dr. Moreano finds himself helping treat conditions he has rarely seen, if it all, since medical school. Confronting both a language barrier and a lack of modern equipment, he endeavors with the Vietnamese doctors to provide the best care possible against considerable odds.

When a woman with a perilous tumor is presented to Dr. Moreano, his first reaction is informed by training which recoils from incurring liability when surgery is extremely risky. But after learning the woman has been waiting in the hospital for over a month, and recognizing the alternative is almost certain death, he reluctantly agrees to operate.

A day before the surgery, the equipment they have been awaiting finally makes it through customs. As he opens the boxes of nearly $40,000 worth of equipment that he’d carefully handpicked for his own practice, Dr. Moreano notes, “You know… this isn’t the reason I’m here anymore.”

As the Call, So the Echo unfolds against the backdrop of a hauntingly beautiful country that belies a war-torn history so familiar to Americans. We discover how much the Vietnamese remain a gentle and industrious people who defy the challenges of endemic poverty with a spirit of hospitality and grace. The film documents the personal journey of one American doctor, but also transports the viewer to a land we thought we knew, but do not know well at all. The images are as powerful as the story, and the result is a compelling documentary full of drama and hope.

As The Call, So The Echo

Directed by Keir Moreano

Keir@necessarynomads.com">Keir@necessarynomads.com

505.331.2921

MCO 2005

I closed the two entries concerning "Lt. Dan." If you already read about him, then you will understand why when I tell you I was utterly deceived by his story, which may have had elements of truth about it, but was undoubtedly largely fabricated.

I am extremely embarassed, especially because I should know better better than anyone I know. I have been a drug dealer and an inmate. I am what you would call streetwise. I understand that pathological liars know that it is easier to pull off big lies than little ones--one only need look at history for proof, especially present and recent history. I know that tidy, "believable" explanations for every inconsistency are red flags not to be ignored. I know to trust my initial skepticism. I know sexual attraction is a great smokescreen, and I know I have a terrible tendency to rescue wounded puppies who are misrepresenting the cause of their injuries (I mean this literally and figuratively).

To those who didn't read the entries--I was conned by someone who probably wanted a safe harbor from the streets for as long as he could pull it off. (There was zero evidence of drug use, but he could have been taking a break.) For those who did read the entries, there was no serious harm done--I shared what I had for three days is all, and actually enjoyed having him around. In fact I forgive him already--which is not the same as absolving him--that job belongs to a higher up. I realize had he told the truth, (whatever that was) of course I would not have let him in, so from his point of view he was just employing a survival tool. Perhaps, indeed, he was an Iraqi war vet whose injuries were mental more than or as much as physical. There had to be some truth to much of what he told--no one has such a developed imagination, except for the odd writer--which he wasn't. In retrospect I can't believe I didn't get it when he thought the abbreviation for Lieutenant was Llt.

The human capacity for believing what one wants to believe is powerful indeed, and I am clearly not immune to it. I obviously need to be far more vigilant about these types--I have been burned rather more than once. Live and learn, but LEARN, dammit!

I reacted to his abrupt disappearance yesterday--when his elaborate tapestry of lies was about to unravel--by going to my church and packing supplies for the Katrina victims for three hours. I found a way to help humanity that was unambiguous and not built on false pretenses, and that felt good. In the end, in any event, it is his karma at peril for lying, not mine for believing his lies. I do wonder, in fact, if I may have burned off some of my own bad karma. Who knows what I did to him in a past life? There is also an element of just desserts at play, given the fact that I was rather an adept teller of big-ass lies not too long ago. You send that energy out in the world, and it does tend to boomerang. Let's hope that same effect will occur as a result of some of the positive energy I am trying to now put out instead. (And I wouldn't mind if that manifested in the form of some honest work. This coming week I have no more excuses not to look hard--not even Katrina.)

MCO 2005

Compared with the President Bozo, Eisenhower was a genius. I saw these quotes on the wall of the woman who was helping me get recertified for ADAP, and asked for a copy.

Way busy. It's all good.

MCO 2005

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION

You are in New Orleans to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are photo journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career- making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's the President, George W. Bush.

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options- you can save the life of the President, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most famous men.

THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer.......

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Greetings!

I just wanted to let you know the last needs of the Caravan of Hope that will be pulling out on Monday, Sept. 19...many of you have already helped out, some of you are wanting to, and I just wanted to keep you all in the "know" so you could pass along to your friends and lists.

NEED SOON:

BOXES!

Packing Tape

Marking pens

VOLUNTEERS:

Throughout the week:

- if you are in the area of the church, you are welcome to come by and help sort or pack for an hour or more--come upstairs to second floor

- Sat/Sun: SORTING & PACKING PARTY 10:30 am -- 4:30 pm

- I need 5 team leaders...anyone VERY detail oriented? contact me

- May need some drivers to pick up donations and/or trucks

- can anyone pick up a donation in Irvine this week?

- lend a little time to our Office Manager to help out with calls?

- Admin help...do some data entry

- FOOD? Do you want to bring some goodies for our caravaners? (your favorite brownies, lunch meal?) (ok, we won't say "no" if you want to bring some on Friday, either!)

DONATIONS:

- If you have any money that you have collected, PLEASE contact me and let me know the amount--we need to know EXACTLY how much $$ we have--need to continue to be good stewards of your generosity. If you can bring it by Friday...even better! (we want to make sure our drivers don't have to worry about anything!)

- If you are bringing a LARGE donation, please let me know so that I can have a good picture of our truck needs

- Listed below are the final needs--please feel free to distribute.

Baby / Children Needs:

Disposable diapers

Baby formula

Baby food

Baby clothes

Wet wipes

Stuffed animals

Children's socks (new)

Children's underwear (new)

General use:

Adult underwear (new)

Adult socks (new)

Kitchen items

Houseware products

Blankets

Towels

Bottled water

Plastic spoons, forks, knives

Back Packs/Duffle bags

Wheeled luggage

Non-perishable food

Health / Hygiene Packs:

HIV/AIDS Medication

Bars of soap

Combs / Brushes

Shampoo

Feminine Hygiene

(tampons, sanitary napkins)

Hand sanitizer gel

Toothpaste(4-7oz.)

Toothbrushes

Disposable razors

Shaving Cream

Animal Needs:

- Collapsible wire cages (extra large size)

- Traveling Crates

- Stainless steel pet bowls

- Doggie / Cat treats & toys

- Cat collars (break away type)

- Vet meds/care box...call your vet and see if they will put together a care package...see www.humanela.org for details of needs

Drop off:

Metropolitan Community Church Los Angeles

8714 Santa Monica Blvd

West Hollywood, CA 90069

310-854-9110

www.mccla.org

relief@mccla.org">relief@mccla.org

I can be reached at revpat@mccla.org">revpat@mccla.org

THANK YOU FOR MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

Peace

Rev. Pat

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something;

I will not refuse to do the something I can do.

(Edward Everett Hale's meditation on Ephesians 4:16)

ThisManTrue.m4a (4201k file)

In principle, by clicking on this link, you should be able to hear the song I wrote (the lyrics) that was performed at Matt's memorial service, music by Richard Hefner. I don't think I've ever been prouder of the result of any collaboration I've ever had.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the feeling I'm going to be able to help my friend Larry out after all. Sometimes these things gel, and feel right, and sometimes they don't. No harm done, it was a pleasant day, if not very productive in the end. If I'd stayed home writing I would have lost power due to yesterday's blackout in any case. But I must embark on the dreaded job hunt after all.

This morning I got my license renewed at the DMV. There was a huge line to get one's photo taken, because there was a computer glitch. Out of some 50 people, I was the only one who felt compelled to buy a newspaper to read while we waited. This seems to me the most natural thing in the world. It shouldn't be exceptional at all. I just don't get it.

MCO 2005

Well, I caught a call from my friend Larry, the person who had forwarded me the Bill Moyers article, and I remembered that he had hired a mutual friend of ours for a while to help him run a business he operates from home. That friend has gone on to a full-time job, and it occurred to me to ask Larry if he still needed help. He does, and I can bring Gaza along! This is very good news. I’m going in to see him this afternoon to firm up the details.

Money was something I prayed and meditated about this weekend, coming to the conclusion that I absolutely needed to take some action, but remembering also that often one can find the solutions to many of life’s challenges by simply becoming more aware of the opportunities right in one’s backyard. So I opened my eyes wide and looked around. I may even supplement this with a job delivering flowers that keeps getting offered by someone I see every Friday. (There is no small work, only small workers).

This weekend I came up against the challenge of accepting how different the politics of someone you love dearly might be from your own. The fact is that my stances are heavily influenced by my personal experience, and so are theirs. For example, if I have never been poor myself, I live in an urban area where I witness the lives of the economically disadvantaged up close daily, and in prison, I saw its pernicious effects firsthand. (No, the inmates weren’t there because they were poor, but because they had broken the law. But it’s no coincidence that there were precious few there who came from comfortable circumstances. Rich people don’t have to break the law to achieve prosperity, and those who do rarely get caught.) It bothers me enormously that the ranks of the poor, and working poor in particular, are growing yearly instead of shrinking, and I see a direct correlation between their poverty and the concentration of wealth in the country in the hands of a few. I cannot stand by and watch what the present regime is doing to make that problem steadily worse without objection, and it’s very difficult to hold this perception so strongly and not have it shared by someone with whom you are otherwise so simpatico.

If this was a lover or a boyfriend, this chasm in political views would be a dealbreaker. (In fact, it has been) I could never marry a Republican, but then that’s a contradiction in terms, isn’t it? I don’t even begin to understand marriages in which the spouses hold opposing political views, although I know of one in particular that seems to thrive in spite (or because?) of it.

Often, the gay men in my life have no political beliefs at all, they don’t even pick up a paper This drives me a bit nuts, as I see a direct impact of politics on our lives, but less so than if they were informed and came to differing conclusions than I did. These news-free friends or boyfriends often lean on me to be their personal filter of the world at large, and this dovetails well with my know-it-allness and preachy-teachy side.

Although, for all I know, they inwardly roll their eyes every time I go off on one of my impromptu lectures on the topic du jour. At least they know better to dis’ me to my face, because I’ll pop ‘em one, right in the kisser.

MCO 2005

How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light

bulb?

Answer: TEN...

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs

to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for

changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the

new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing

on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished",

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush

was literally "in the dark" the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has

had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between

screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never

actually managed to change the light bulb.

This will surprise no one, least of all me, but Hot Air Balloon has burned his last remaining bridges. He was asked to leave where he was staying for being caught there high, and his sponsor even told him never to call him again.

There is also a front page article in the Sunday New York Times which details, blow-by-blow, the anemic federal response to Katrina. It's horrific to the point of frightening, particularly as Al-Qaeda has just targeted Los Angeles.

I'm finding it REALLY hard to feel upbeat today. In fact I'm fending off out and out despair. Reverend Neil is going to have to be a real miracle worker at Church today.

MCO 2005

On this September 11, I urge everyone to take the time to read Bill Moyer's brilliant essay on Islamic Fundamentalism and the Radical Religious Right at:

http://www.commondreams.org/views05/0909-36.htm

It's very long, and I realize that only the hardiest will read it beginning to end, so below a few of the most powerful passages:

What's also unique is the intensity, organization, and anger they have brought to the public square. Listen to their preachers, evangelists, and homegrown ayatollahs: Their viral intolerance - their loathing of other people's beliefs, of America's secular and liberal values, of an independent press, of the courts, of reason, science and the search for objective knowledge - has become an unprecedented sectarian crusade for state power. They use the language of faith to demonize political opponents, mislead and misinform voters, censor writers and artists, ostracize dissenters, and marginalize the poor. These are the foot soldiers in a political holy war financed by wealthy economic interests and guided by savvy partisan operatives who know that couching political ambition in religious rhetoric can ignite the passion of followers as ferociously as when Constantine painted the Sign of Christ (the "Christograph") on the shields of his soldiers and on the banners of his legions and routed his rivals in Rome. Never mind that the Emperor himself was never baptized into the faith; it served him well enough to make the God worshipped by Christians his most important ally and turn the Sign of Christ into the one imperial symbol most widely recognized and feared from east to west.

Let's take a brief detour to Ohio and I'll show you what I am talking about. In recent weeks a movement called the Ohio Restoration Project has been launched to identify and train thousands of "Patriot Pastors" to get out the conservative religious vote next year. According to press reports, the leader of the movement - the senior pastor of a large church in suburban Columbus - casts the 2006 elections as an apocalyptic clash between "the forces of righteousness and the hordes of hell." The fear and loathing in his message is palpable: He denounces public schools that won't teach creationism, require teachers to read the Bible in class, or allow children to pray. He rails against the "secular jihadists" who have "hijacked" America and prevent school kids from learning that Hitler was "an avid evolutionist." He links abortion to children who murder their parents. He blasts the "pagan left" for trying to redefine marriage. He declares that "homosexual rights" will bring "a flood of demonic oppression." On his church website you read that "Reclaiming the teaching of our Christian heritage among America's youth is paramount to a sense of national destiny that God has invested into this nation."

One of the prominent allies of the Ohio Restoration Project is a popular televangelist in Columbus who heads a $40 million-a-year ministry that is accessible worldwide via 1,400 TV stations and cable affiliates. Although he describes himself as neither Republican nor Democrat but a "Christocrat" - a gladiator for God marching against "the very hordes of hell in our society" - he nonetheless has been spotted with so many Republican politicians in Washington and elsewhere that he has been publicly described as a"spiritual advisor" to the party. The journalist Marley Greiner has been following his ministry for the organization, FreePress. She writes that because he considers the separation of church and state to be "a lie perpetrated on Americans - especially believers in Jesus Christ" - he identifies himself as a "wall builder" and "wall buster." As a wall builder he will "restore Godly presence in government and culture; as a wall buster he will tear down the church-state wall." He sees the Christian church as a sleeping giant that has the ability and the anointing from God to transform America. The giant is stirring. At a rally in July he proclaimed to a packed house: "Let the Revolution begin!" And the congregation roared back: "Let the Revolution begin!"

----------

This excerpt may give the impression that Moyers is only excoriating the radical right, but believe me, he doesn't spare the Islamic fundamentalists in the least. But they have been produced in countries without a 230-year history of separation of church and state, theirs goes hand in hand with a relatively uneducated and economically disadvantaged population. Our radical right scares me a lot more than theirs. Five years into the 21st century, an entire swath of this country seems to be galloping back into the mindset of puritan McCarthyism.

I shudder for the future of this country. If I had kids, I'd hightail it to Canada or Europe, frankly. Since I don't, I'll stay and fight, but I'm actually hoping I don't live to a ripe old age. I don't think I'll want to be around to see the future.

Matt's service yesterday was quite moving, and the song played beautifully to the images of his life.

MCO 2005

These are the song lyrics that will be performed at Matt’s memorial service today, as well as images of Matt. You can see how brutally young he was.

For any of you who still might be indulging, let this bring home that this really can be a matter of life or death. If you wait to stop, you might find it much harder than you imagine. After all, most people don’t decide to give it up until it’s had a serious negative impact on their life, and by definition that usually means the consumption had reached the level of addiction.

Matt killed himself because of the incomprehensible demoralization he felt from not being able to stay sober. You can see how young and handsome he was, he could have had a wonderful life. It can happen to anybody. (Matt did seek help, but I know many more who have died who didn’t seek help. Getting help is no guarantee, but one’s chances are infinitely better.)

Enough of my soapbox. Below please find the email I received from Richard, the composer who put the lyrics to music. Perhaps I’ll be able to download the song online, for anyone who wants to hear.

Marc,

The lyrics are beautiful. Thanks for your great support. I think we should be really

grateful for these gifts we have to give. It's not selfish to share them. We are not taking the focus away from Matt, we are focusing it on him. We must be brave and not shame ourselves into thinking that there is something selfish in creation and expression of deep emotion through art. It's the most peaceful and wonderful thing we could do. We're not

creating war, poverty, disease, greed, anything negative. We're creating love. We're creating a channel for people to feel emotions they would be afraid to feel. We're helping people be in the human realm, and according to the Dalai Lama, this is the only realm by which people can reach Nirvana.

Much love,

Richard

MCO 2005

Yes, it's sort of vulgar, but I had to come up with something as penance for not having thought up the fishing trip one. I'm competitive when it comes to this stuff.

And truth be told, devising these mock-ups is such a welcome distraction from editing the blog. I'm really doing a complete rewrite. That's not quite accurate, actually. What my sister typed up when I was inside was basically the product of 2 drafts, because I didn't have a computer. However, I usually go through about 5 drafts of most everything when I have a computer. So I'm just going back, and doing the third and fourth drafts. There'll be another one after this. Ugh.

MCO 2005

And no, I didn't think it up, though I wish I did.

Last night was a mixed bag. I showed up to give my talk at Being Alive’s “Get Off Now” anti-meth workshop, but there was not one attendee. This may have had something to do with the difficulty in getting through, because there was an impromptu demonstration up the street urging Schwarzenegger not to veto the bill allowing for gay marriage just passed by the California Assembly. But frankly, I doubt that was the reason. (The workshop started at 6, and I got through just fine at 5:45. They didn’t close the street off until 6:30).

I think the problem is the campaign itself. With some bare-chested men in the ads for the workshops, they are trying to eroticize getting off meth. I certainly understand the idea behind it, they are trying to fight fire with fire. In my view, though, anyone who is using meth for its galvanizing effect on the libido, is very unlikely to think sitting around on a bunch of folding chairs in a conference room and listening to an ex-user will constitute a “hot” time. Attendance at the first two workshops started modestly and has now dribbled to nothing. I think they have reached whoever they are going to reach.

Fighting fire with fire is poetic, and sometimes works, but in reality, fire is best fought with water. Likewise, insanity is best fought with sanity. But it can’t be forcefed, the user tends to react defensively. AA’s proscription is “attraction, not promotion” and it’s a smart way to go. If I had been hired to run this program (the position I interviewed for 5 months ago), I would have suggested they save the money of workshops and mount an ad campaign in the gay magazines spotlighting sober men in recovery. They could certainly be sexually attractive if necessary, I know personally one of the reasons I even considered getting sober before I was forced to by circumstances was that I wanted to sleep with some of the men who wouldn’t sleep with me because I did drugs. But even more than that, I wanted to be like them. Unfortunately, I met precious few of these types. Those I sold to who later did get sober obviously stayed away from me. (Happily, I have befriended more than a few now).

So at 7:00, I decided to join the anti-Schwarzenegger demonstration. It was actually sort of exciting. A speech by a gay father, there with his partner of 30 years and their two kids was particularly moving. And one speaker noted that gay evacuees from New Orleans who have lost their partners will get no survivor benefits, unlike any married couple. If they had paperwork to cover themselves legally, it is likely lost or irretrievable. Can you imagine any widow or widower being demanded a marriage certificate before dispensing benefits? Katrina is an excellent illustration of why gay marriage is a question of equality, justice and basic civil rights.

MCO 2005

My dear dear friend, Andrea, at whose apartment I stayed for over 2 months when I got out of prison, is getting married in Tallahassee on my birthday weekend (October 15-17). She'd really like me to come, but I'm really not sure if I can afford it. I'm wondering if I happen to have a reader (readers?) with an extra room in Tallahassee who might be interested in meeting me in the flesh? (With my luck, I'll get there in time for Hurricane Wanda, the last one of the season, and forever known as the one that made Katrina look like a opening act.)

As much as I want to be there for Andrea, (she's getting married there because that's where her family is) I was also wanting to do something different and special for my birthday, which has completed sucked 5 years in a row. I may also conceivably make a quick visit up to my Mom in NY, celebrating her 80th birthday (in November) early.

Also, tonight I am speaking at the offices of Being Alive, on San Vicente in West Hollywood, as part of their "Get Off Now" Social Marketing program to combat Crystal Meth. If there are any readers thinking of taking the plunge who'd also like to meet me, by all means do come. You'll hear my story and there'll be an opportunity for questions and answers and to meet others thinking of giving it up.