Some days are definitely better than others.
The friend about whom I wrote a few days ago, (Mr. Contrary, aka Snarkles) showered me with affection this morning (at that place we both go that I have to remain anonymous about). I drove him back to his house, and we had a lovely conversation, as he was jazzed about getting his first calls from two different people who would like to explore the possibility of getting sober. As he got out of the car, he leaned in and said: “I did read the blog, by the way.” (He said this nicely.)
I can’t tell you how gratifying it was to me to know that he not only understood what I was upset about, but wasn’t upset about my upset. I certainly doubt that he didn’t have some considerations about what I wrote, he may well think I have more than a few blind spots and he is no doubt right. But his warmth also told me that he could see where I might have a few points, and at the very least, got how I could perceive his behavior a certain way, so at least my outburst didn’t seem baseless and arbitrary.
I also realized I hadn’t shared that he is, the vast majority of the time, incredibly good-natured, funny, and supportive, and full of compliments. He is also over-the-top handsome, yet constantly tells me I ooze sex appeal. For my part, I have to let go of any envy I might have, and accept that when we are together, even those who may be attracted to me find themselves inevitably distracted by him. Good for him. (In some ways, being that good-looking has also been a burden. Really.)
Yesterday, Hot Air Balloon was staying with Snarkles, and our interaction was very pleasant. I even conferred him Gaza for the day. He is a dog-lover without parallel, and takes such a joy in them, and it can frankly be adorable about it. Like Snarkles, he is also impossibly handsome yet not stingy with the compliments. Unfortunately, all this doesn’t mean we can have a successful romantic relationship, but I hope we can have a successful friendship. I just can’t be alone in a room with him for more than 5 minutes because the sexual attraction is like few, if any, I’ve ever experienced. Electric. (I do miss him, as does the dog.)
I was also buoyed by a return to my normal level of blog readership, but decided to take some action to spread the Gospel according to Marc, and have hired a webguy to get me listed on the appropriate services. And I also did some good writing yesterday, in which I continued to fill in some blanks in my incarceration history. This is way tough, at moments, because I am writing about the most unpleasant moments that occurred before I actually started the blog.
Onward and upward.
MCO 2005
