March 24, 2005
There are some mornings that the old anxiety greets me upon awakending like a blast of hot air from a furnace. All I can do is take a neurontin, a lexapro, AA steps 1-3, and action; doing whatever needs to be done, the footwork of my life as it were. I wonder if the source of this anxiety is astrological, biological, or worse, whether it is some sort of presentiment of something dire around the corner. It certainly doesn't seem justified by anything going on. In fact, things are going well. I get to call about the translation test today, and for the first time in months, it looks like I will not have to do a cash advance from my next direct deposit to make it until the end of the month. In fact, I have been asked to return for several days to the law firm to "babysit" the ex-wife--easy cash that also will allow me to catch up on reading. (This was one undeniable positive effect of prison, I read more in 10 months than I had read in years.)
I went to a great meeting last night, in which I shared about updating my aol profile (removing "God is an atheist" from my quote") and getting some laughs about choosing between frumpy and slutty pictures. Luckily I don't have to choose between either, photos came back from the photo shoot a few weeks ago, which were marvelous. (I have posted one on my website.) When I returned to the apartment I also cooked, and cooked well. It is a pleasure I don't indulge in often enough (but finally have the pots and pans to do so.)
Regulars to this site will realize I no longer mention, and have eliminated all references to in the blog, someone I have spoken about alot. He is still in my life, but there are bad people in his past who we thought best not stumble upon him via the Internet accidentally. Forgive my occasional oblique reference to him, I am not being cagey, just politic.
I am feeling better as I write this. Thank you all for keeping up with me. My number of visitors is steady, and every month average visits increase by 20 or so. So I guess I'm not boring you to death.
MCO 2005
