February 21, 2005
Well, I refugeed back to Andrea’s for a final clean-up and to work on my piece for Pride Guide, due Wednesday. It’s been a hectic 24 hours, but the weather Gods were kind. The torrents let up just long enough for us to get a shelving unit, the couch, an table into the new apartment.
Last night I slept on an air mattress. I listened to the rain and tried to stave off all of the anxiety that comes with being in a new place. Boy, do we ever take for granted so many things that must be acquired in a move. Sheets, a comforter a microwave, extension cords, a broom, a toaster, scissors, condiments, etc. etc. Even at thrift shop prices (microwave $15, toaster $3, comforter, $4) it adds up. On top of it I have a bad cold. (Duh. Are there any "good" colds?)
I realize how attached I became to Andrea’s apartment and her giant comfy bed. Of course it’s wonderful to be in my own place, but I am impatient for everything to feel like home. And what a week I have ahead. This article to write, my first article in Being Alive coming out tomorrow (I think), and an interview with Being Alive on Wednesday. All while settling in. Since it's a bit tight space-wise for one person, much less two, I tell myself we have a luxury hotel suite, with kitchenette. This same place would cost us $169 a night in Palm Springs.
This morning I had a massive anxiety attack over all I had "to do" and just wanted to be home at my Mom’s drinking some good French soup and watching soaps all day. I keep having to remember how much I fantasized about having the days that I am having right now. I am also coming to grips with the degree to which I may have battled bipolar disorder all my life. That to a great degree the drinking and drugging may have been self-medicating as much as anything. I do know that the neurontin helps enormously. It does not seem to act as a mood alterer, per se, it just seem to leaven the anxiety. When that hits, I don’t feel sober, but I do after the pills "kick in." Like someone turned the volume down on an inner stereo that is set a bit too loud.
Anyway, the cable people are coming tomorrow morning, so hopefully my next entry will be from chez moi. Thanks to Mark and Mike and Bill, who helped with the moving yesterday.
And next Sunday I will be the official greeter at my Sunday meeting. I thought it was time to take a commitment now that I’m on this side of the hill and don’t have to fetch my friend in the valley anymore. Hallelujah.
MCO 2005
